Legal

My father is only 66, but I am scared about what the future holds.  First, he lives by himself and he's admitted getting lost in his own house for 30 plus minutes. 

Subsequently, His doctor conducted a basic cognitive test, while I was there with him; he couldn't recall basic facts like who was the president.  He's drank for years and I discussed this with his doctor and I really didn't get any answers.  Further, DMV suspended his license about 6 years ago and so I'm scared about what would happen if he got in an accident and hurt or killed someone.  Moreover, he has a considerable estate which would be attacked in a lawsuit, if an accident occurred.  I've spoken to him about this without much conclusion.

I've considered getting power of attorney and getting him declared incompetent, but I really rather not cross that bridge yet.  What are my options?  Thank you.

Loreal in California, 39

I can't find any info or experiences about adult children dealing with an elderly Dad becoming a SugarDaddy.  This oddly happened in our family. While most posts here are about immediate health issues, this problem in our family has many levels. Health is one - he's trying to impress this 50 yr old ...he's like the Nanny to her family. I do think he will have a stroke.  It's a very intense situation, so I will leave it now. Just wanting your opinion on  SugarDaddy/Gold-Digger.  (BTW, my Mom passed after 50 yrs w/Dad)  And of course there is much more to this story I'm going thru.  Yeh, it's not good for our family. Just very sad.

Hildy in Oklahoma, 52

What can I do now to make it easier on my son when I need care?

Sandy in Washington, 71

My name is Anna, and I live in Kentucky.  I have an elderly aunt who is 86 years old who lives in Florida.  She is married, but her husband is now in a nursing home.  She has no children, and all of her sisters and brothers have passed except her  nieces, my sister and I.    My aunt is very healthy and gets around better than I do.

In a situation like this, what is a solution?   Her husband's daughter has his power of attorney, but my aunt has not given a power of attorney yet, and tries to hide the fact that she has enough money and more to keep  her.   His children does not like her, which does not add to the situation.

She is calling me and my sister wanting us to come to Florida and help her get situated.  What is some ideas that we can look out. We have talked to her about assisted living, but she says she does not have the money, which she does.   As far as I can tell, her mind is quite good, but no one her age needs to be alone in Florida without any support.

I would try to bring her to Kentucky, but with her husband still living in a nursing home,  and the fact that they have property and all their assets there, I am up a tree trying to  figure it out. I would appreciate any information you can supply.  Or, if you know of a government agency in Florida that could give me some information on the elderly, I sure would appreciate it. Thank you for any help you can give Anna in Kentucky

Anna in Kentucky, 59

Dear Doctor Marion,

Our elderly parent lives in another state far away. We know we need to locate a local attorney for her, to help now and later for probate, but how do we find one that is reputable and affordable? We don't want to wait for a crisis, and have no one locally to ask for recommendations. Where do we start? What do we ask?

Karen in Missouri, 51

Dear Doctor Marion,

My uncle is 77. He is simple minded and has been all his life due to a head injury when he was a baby. He stayed home to care for his parents all his life, has never had a job or a girlfriend. His mom and dad, my grandparents passed away. He had to settle their estate and he did with the help of my father and a good lawyer. My uncle comes to visit me once a month now. There is a woman who has discovered that my uncle has money and two houses. He has let her get into one of the houses where she is squatting and not paying any rent. I believe she has bad intentions. I have warned my uncle but he does not listen. My sisters are no help either as they are fooled into thinking that this woman is nice. My uncle is not in shape to be a landlord and the house is in a bit of disrepair. Just before I found out that the woman had moved into his house (not the one that he lives in) I had a real estate agent make an offer to buy the house from my uncle as a fixer upper so he could be free of the responsibilities( as he had told me at different times that he wanted to sell) and he acted like he didn’t understand what I was saying he changed the subject. What do I do in a situation like this? I am at my wits end.

Deborah in Ontario, Canada 51