Communication

We currently care for my husband's parents. They live in an in law quarters on our property. They are both in their early 80s and he suffers from Parkinson's which is in the latter stages. His dementia is beginning to be a problem and he is now dependant on a walker for assistance with mobility. His wife cares for him and handles his medications (many many many meds) as well as all the driving. She is also beginning to show signs of dementia and we're concerned that she should not be handling his care anymore. She will not allow anyone else to help with ADLs or his meds, but has asked for some help with driving on occasion. She refuses to admit she needs help and he won't allow her to ask for much. Is there a tactful way to clearly let someone know that they are no longer safe without daily assistance? Or do we just wait until someone falls or really gets sick before we step in?  My husband and I are both in the medical field.

How do you handle elderly relatives who don't understand that some sexual comments are inappropriate?

I googled elder care Birmingham, AL and saw something that led to your site. I read a few posts from people asking your advice and read your advice. I felt like your threw me a lifeline.  I will try not to go into much detail and the the heart of it is that I want some help to get the help I...we(my family) need.  From the advice, I got three important things. Let your family and friends know what is happening and ask for help. Find a support group for dementia or Alzheimer’s. And help develop other social interests.

I need to do those things and probably hire some help, too. Your video tips are extremely helpful! Thanks!  I really would like help doing those things.  Do you know someone who is located in the Birmingham area who is an organizer or counselor that I could hire to help me? Someone who you recommend? Do you have a group to recommend?
My mother-in-law is starting to suffer physically from artheritis and osteoporosis and relies more heavily on my husband. My mother suffers from tremors, depression and has had some small strokes which make her mind feel "not too clear."

This crescendo has come to this point (of asking for help) from the disappointment of not being able to go on a much anticipated vacation (financial considerations), therefore, spending the past few days at home more and in the company of my mother (since I had taken time off from my part-time job for vacation), and my mother knocking on my door at 5:30 this morning asking for the keys to her car that I drove yesterday so I wouldn't take them to work with me.  It was a disturbing way to wake up because I thought something was hurt or sick. To top it off, she had her keys all along and I wasn't even going to work.  My mother relies on me too heavily for companionship, meals, etc.  I feel like she is draining energy from me to live.

I need someone to help me develop interests and social outlets for my mother and find support.  If I can't improve things here, I think that I will loose enjoyment of my own life (my family, interests, friends), or have her move to an assisted living facility, or have her move from place-to-place, living with all of her children for portions of the year.  I need to deal with the stress that I feel and I need some help developing a support system.  Your work is so valuable. Thank you!

My mother just died and my father has come out of the closet and announced he is gay.  My siblings and I are having trouble accepting this.  Any thoughts on how to help us deal with this and be supportive of his new lifestyle?

What's a gentle way to tell someone they may want to take the test to see if they're prone to getting Altzheimers?

Doctor Marion,

I am now looking after my 72 year old mother. She is in terrific health. My dad died just over a year ago. He had cancer and we were able to look after him until he passed away at home. It has been very hard. My mother has now expressed interest in dating. She already has met a man and she is acting really giddy about it. I want to be happy for her but I'm not dealing well with this. I haven't said anything to her about my feelings but now she wants to start bringing her friend to family outings. What do I do?

My father is 90 yrs old my mother is 85, he has had a light stroke.  There are three of us that are taking turns staying around the clock.  Moms health is not real bad but she gets excited easy .  I’m not sure whether we are helping her or not.  Maybe she needs to have a little time alone with him. He is not an invalid just weak on the right side and has a lot of dementia. What do you think?

My mom lives alone (25 minutes away). I used to call her everyday, but lately she has been giving me the "guilt trip" about my lack of visiting (Im going thru a divorce and am frazzled), so I don't call each day now becuase I dont want to get upset with her. I have told her how I feel; no difference. She's a wonderful lady, its just that I am going thru some stuff now and cant take her pressure. But I feel guilty. Can you help?

My best friend's mom is in her 80s and for whatever reason won't tell her husband or her daughter what is wrong. Her answer is always, "I don't know" when you ask her specific questions about pain, breathing, etc. What can be done to get her to start telling people what is wrong instead of giving the two-year child's pat answer of "I don't know"?

My mother-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease a few months ago. It seems that the disease is progressing very rapidly. My concern is that she doesn't recognize my father-in-law only during the evenings.  He is the primary caregiver.  I want to know if this is common with the spouse and what can he do to make her feel safe and secure.

Most of the people I work with are younger than me and have no idea what it’s like to care for your parents.  And I’m having a hard time with one co-worker who gives me a lot of grief when I have to leave early some days.  What should I do?

I have a high-pressure job with a lot of responsibilities on top of everything I’m doing to take care of my aging parents.  It’s becoming harder and harder to live my life.  I want to tell my boss about it but I’m afraid of getting fired.  What should I do?